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May 20, 14 @ 3:43pm
trapped in my own world like a caged wolf no where to turn no way out so much anger no way to excape so much pain no way tomake it go away so much rage no way to just turn the page so meny times the door was wide open but i could not see therough all the tears so it slamed shut no way to cut the chains that bind my soul to this world no shelter to hide from all the fear no quick fix for the anger no way to vent the rage someone save me just put a bullet in my head stop the thoughts stop the memory stop the past from sneeking up on me stop the future from comeing dry my tears of pain and sooth the anger of the shame of being me trapped by my own life the choses made the wrong turns reaching into the fire and getting burnned i should have known yet i couldnt see for the red in my eyes from the rage just to be able to turn back the pages of time trapped like the wolf invisable bars and chaines bind and cut into the hart and soul pace and pace in my little space hopeful that the floor will give and relese me from all this hurt all the confusion all the anger turning to rage when one more door is slamed or chain is added i pray yet no one hears i cry out in pain yet no one cares i beat my fist against the floor yet no one sees the blood and scars it causes because all they see is the out side and the fake smile they fail to look into my eyes and see the real me the pain i have begging the love and devotion i have to give yet im trapped alone anger and rage more at me for being then at anyone for not seeing my pain so meny hidden tears and and so much rage and so meny scars someone set me free someone see through my smiles and set me free

current mood: sad and alone
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im only human
Sep 30, 13 @ 11:34pm
i'm only human
i'm only human made of blood and bones
i'm only human my hart beats of gold only giving and never taking im only human because my lonely tears run down my face i'm only human that fears my fate i'm only human that reaches out for someone not there i'm only human because i care i'm only human because i have a soul that searches for that one lost lonely soul that i can love and that can love me i am only human searching for a love that isn't there so i'm only human do you even care ?

lets see who even cares ????????

current mood: sad
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looking back
Aug 23, 13 @ 2:05am
as i look back on all of the poems i write i see that my love was empty for it was never returned and thats sad because that is all i have ever truely wanted from life is to be loved for me and to love them back the way i always do with ever beat of my hart and ever breath in my body just for the one i love .............has anyone ever felt like i do ?

current mood: sad and alone
current music:
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hurt beyond repair
Jun 30, 13 @ 6:01am
you kow what they say love is a fairy tail and it is all a mental thing well its true in a way you can only fool ourself for so long tell your self you dont love someone and run from the truth make your self believe that thier are lots of others out there for you the truth is you only get one chace and if you blow it its gone and its gone forever i found that one person that i serched for and now i have lost him he is differant the anyother guy i have ever met and i loved him in a way that is un explaiable he doesnt know or believe me because i really messed it up bad and i cant fix it their is no fix for it i really dont kow how to stop the pain and emptyness i feel inside see when he said he loved me it wasnt enough for me and when he spent time with me it wasnt good enough i wanted more and for what i wanted i couldnt see what i had for what i wanted was for him to show me he loved me i couldnt trust that he did i couldt believe a man like him could love someone like me and i really AM sorry for it now i cant believe i failed so badly when all i wanted was to be loved wanted and eeded

current mood: so sad and hurt i wanna lay down and give up
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Mar 23, 09 @ 1:55pm
our love is a time less thing
our love is like no other
our love is special
our love is warm and inviteing on a cold day
our love is cool and refreshing on a hot summer day
our love is like a river never ending
our love is like the moon soft and sentcual
our love is as deep as any moutian
and as free as any bird
our love is just for me and you for no other could ever understand how we feel
we have servived time and test of death
we have servived the test of broken hearts
the test of love lost in a cold crul world
we can servive anything mylove
i love you more then any of theese things and always will
i am yours for all of eturnity

written by tonya e patterson & © Copyright on march 23 2009

current mood: loved
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i love you forever more
Mar 2, 09 @ 2:01pm
I love you forever more
Current mood: anxious
i love the moon and stars above
i love kittens and puppys
i love danceing in the rain
i love the night air on my face
i love the flowers and trees
i love the eirth benneth my feet
i love laughing at funny thing
and i love walking in the sand and sea
thier is just a few things i love more
i love the way i feel when you look into my eyes
the way your breath feels on my skin
the way your lips feel when we kiss
i love the way you hold me close
the way it feels when we say nothing at all
but everything by touch
or look
and there is only one thing i love more then that
i love you more then words could ever say
or touch can ever prove
i love you forever more ...................

written on 3/1/09 by Tonya E. Patterson © Copyright on 3/1/09
8:41 PM

current mood: anxious
current music:
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how can i believe
Dec 1, 08 @ 4:54pm
how can i believe
Current mood: confused

how can i believe in fairytails like prences and castles dragons and unicorns and wizards and witches how can i believe in things i have never seen how can i believe in things i can not touch how can i believe in vampires and goast how can i believe in this world how can i believe in people how can i believe in the trees and rain how can i believe in the sun moon and stars at night shoould i just give up this fight or should i believe in all thease these things that i so want the one thing that above all that is true magic that everyone seems to have lost sight of in this world so why should i be the only one to believe in love peace and sweet dreams why should i be the only one left to believe in the magic or a fairytail meeting in the trees under the stary night sky with the prience of my dreams waiting there for me and wakeing to the sun shineing through the tall trees as it softly rains down on us in a summer shower of loveing magic

because the true magic of fairytails and castle and love and all the things we wish for lives within all of us in our hearts as love we just have to let go of the fear of pain and let it live and as others see how it truely should be then it will be for them

written by Tonya E. Patterson

© Copyright on 12/1/2008

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all i have ever wanted
Jul 27, 08 @ 1:16am
Saturday, July 26, 2008

all i have ever wanted
Current mood: lonely

all i have ever wanted was to be loved

to have friends to make life good for everyone around me

to make everyone smile to lift up the people that needed me

to help everyone

to love those that needed loved

to take care that i hurt no one along the way

all i have ever done is

try to bring happyness to others to live around all my friends and familey and to have them know i am always here for them

to make the best out of life i could

it is all i have ever wanted to make others happy

i cant even do that

i am sorry to all i have hurt in any way and i am sorry i am not like anyone else but i am not sorry for being nice and being me

live your life as if this moment is your last love everyone even when they wrong you but never forget about forgiveing the one person you have been hardest on




current mood: sad and alone
current music:
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how do you heal a broken heart ?
Oct 12, 07 @ 5:26pm
someone tell me please
how do you fix things when you hurt so bad that you wanna die
how doyou stop crying when you feel torn apart inside
how do you live when you are dieing inside
how do you pick yourself up when you have been crushed to the floor
how do you live when you have nothing to live for
how to you put your heart back together when you cant count all the peaces
when you hurt so bad you feel it physicaly and it feels like someone is sqezzing all th life out of your body
how do you come back from that
how do you heal a broken heart

current mood: crushed and alone
current music:
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something a very rude person did to me on here
Aug 19, 07 @ 3:43pm
THIS IS WHAT MY PROFILE SAYS ABOUT ME............(((((((am just me sweet smart funny very much a romantic looking for new friends and maybe the right guy the right guy for me would be very romantic and sweet and loveing he would above all have to be faithful and honest in every way when i am a part of someone's life i make tham a part of all my life they know my past /my present ofcorse and hopefuly my future and i hope they can trust enough to do the same for me i am a very faithful and loveing girl i am not looking for sex or for friends that just wanna have sex i find that very hurtful when i go far enough to have sex i have feelings for that person and i dont sleep with them if i dont so please dont just message me to say how sexy i am or to try to get in my panths it wont happen if you lie to me and say you want a relationship with me and dont you will find the sweet careing side of me gone and the bitch side is there in her place you WONT LIKE HER AT ALL but anyway i am a very sweet person if you wanna get to know me as friends or maybe more just message me but please be honest about what you want ))))))))))))))))))))


looks like another fat old lady looking for a guy online.
for shame.
you know.
if you needed a hook up. id try
but first.
get a lapband
go for a jog
lose some weight
then get some plastic surgery.
maybe a face lift.
but seriously.
"id date you if you lived closer and wanted to date me."
i still have a functioning penis.
so you dont have a chance in hell.
and seeing that i have a lovely girlfriend here in texas.
wtf do i need your fat ass for? bahahahaha but you followed that shit well. refer to msn logs below.
and to see your bitch side?
im more then ready.
lets see what you got.

(12:01:30 PM) Asshole Belal: do i play her out and be nice and flirt
(12:01:34 PM) Asshole Belal: then blast her
(12:01:38 PM) Keesha; [ Why can't you just hold me. How come it's so hard? Do you like to see me broken? Why do I still care?]: YES
(12:01:39 PM) Keesha; [ Why can't you just hold me. How come it's so hard? Do you like to see me broken? Why do I still care?]: NONON
(12:01:39 PM) Asshole Belal: or just blast her now
(12:01:40 PM) Keesha; [ Why can't you just hold me. How come it's so hard? Do you like to see me broken? Why do I still care?]: DO THAt
(12:01:41 PM) Keesha; [ Why can't you just hold me. How come it's so hard? Do you like to see me broken? Why do I still care?]: GOGOGGOGOGO
(12:01:44 PM) Keesha; [ Why can't you just hold me. How come it's so hard? Do you like to see me broken? Why do I still care?]: FLIRTFLIRTFLIRT

Asshole`Belal is me.
Keesha is keesha.
guess who we are discussing.


Nothing like getting extreme and winding up smashing your face into the dirt. It‘s like god‘s little reminder that just because you got a job that gives you a little extra spending cash doesn‘t mean you can get a bike and go jumping off cliff like

August 19, 2007, 2:34PM)))))))))))))))

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