Girl, Interrupted
| How about you fuck off. | Feb 28, 10 @ 8:20pm |
| I always knew that you'd come back to get me
and you always knew that it wouldn't be easy To go back to the start to see where it all began Or end up at the bottom to watch how it all ends You tried to lie and say "I was everything" I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you" Somehow I found a way to get lost in you Let me inside, let me get close to you Change your mind, I'll get lost if you want me to Somehow I've found a way to get lost in you You always thought that I left myself open But you didn't know I was already broken I told myself that it wouldn't be so bad Pulling away took everything I had You tried to lie and say "I was everything" I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you" Somehow I found a way to get lost in you Let me inside, let me get close to you Change your mind, I'll get lost if you want me to Somehow I've found a way to get lost in you The pain of it all The rise and the fall I see it all in you Now everyday I find myself say "I want to get lost in you" I'm nothing without you Somehow I found a way to get lost in you Let me inside, let me get close to you Change your mind, I'll get lost if you want me to Somehow I've found a way to get lost in you A way to get lost in you |
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| 67 | Feb 24, 10 @ 10:39pm |
| 2/23/10
A vision of perry winkle blue the swish of the synthetic material that are my pants make me sound more important than I really am. The white padding of my slippers is brown with stranger’s dust and dirt. But I return with paper. And it is here I begin. The simplest way to put this is that I have a story to tell. My words aren’t brilliant. And I might not be a genius. Half of what I do write, and end up saying may not be very interesting. My experiences are. This an arguable claim because interesting is so subjective. It isn’t a single experience that I can share; many I recall would be average and mundane at best. They would inevitably be compared to that of many others. Things like learning to ride my beautiful handmade pink Schwinn bicycle with the blue plastic seat with the cursive S sparkling as I rode down the sidewalk. Collectively though, if we toss in my individual perspective- something slightly original is there. I don’t believe that I am really all that unique or special. Mostly because everyone suffers from that delusion. With that single belief we are all unified. And we have gone in a circle, for now we are all even more alike than we had initially thought. Especially if you take other details into consideration. Words always come easier with a laptop. When they come, they come rapid fire racing to escape. My inability to get them all out causes tension. Eventually they slip away into the background, like fireflies into the summers eve. Glimpses through heavy branches flicker faintly. Intense little bursts of an idea swiftly passing out of my reach. My writing of these captured few is like taking the firefly hostage and roughly rubbing it against my hands, spreading their light to my skin. I am now invincible in the night. I will not be lost to the darkness. For once my brain is still, but my foot adamantly marches to an unknown beat. There’s a fear in a psychiatric ward, accompanying it is a sterile smell. And there is a look that matches as well. If you’ve never been to a hospital that caters to the crazy then it might be difficult to envision. There are a variety of looks here that all capture and leave you rendered with the same sentiment, “get me out of here.” It isn’t judgment that’s being passed. Merely a noting of the environment I currently inhabit, and have for the past week. Crazy has this negative connotation to it. But so does mentally ill, disabled sick, manic, victim. Having had moments in my life where I’ve questioned my sanity, the lucidity of my thoughts, I feel that I am in a position to make conclusions, perhaps even generalizations. I see crazy as more of an endearing term with the possibility of it being likened to a word like eccentric, or paired with words like, “cat woman, good, fun.” Another thing about crazy is that it lacks credential. You will never be called crazy by a psychiatrist, therapist, or a hospital staff member. And if by some strange improbability that you were, it would never be a legitimate diagnosis. The thoughts I have feel similar to that of memories. There are a variety of memories. The kind that are recalled by a scent, sound, sight, task. Then there are the kind that seem to come into focus with no effort on your part. An aspect of me is convinced that I have experienced them before, but its more likely that its an idea that is set on repeat. I don’t know where they stem from or what purpose they serve- if any. They leave me unsettled for they feel like someone elses memories or experiences. It isn’t to say that I believe that they are. I’m aware of their origin and it is a sentiment I don’t readily accept. Disrupting the natural flow, consideration of their validity is inevitable. Sometimes they feel like an answer to a question that was never asked. It is these thoughts that put me in the hospital. The thoughts at point seemed like something concrete, something that deserved consideration. Several doors down I can hear sobbing. I know that feeling. The walls are closing in and breath is a commodity. I’ve been that girl more times than I can count. In order for me to share what I’m in the process of learning, I’ll need to take you back to where it began. |
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| confess. | Feb 10, 10 @ 12:51am |
| You wouldn't notice if I disappeared. I want to believe all that you say, but you make it nearly impossible. | |
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| 07 | Feb 6, 10 @ 2:22pm |
| I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light Or do you ever think of me And in your world somewhere Do memories rip and tear The ones that always keep you hanging on To all that might have been And I love you now And I hate you now And I miss you most of all All those times we laughed The scars that you left Still I miss you most of all And by the water's side The tall grass where we lied The nights we cried ourselves to sleep Most Septembers now I break down somehow Remembering all we said And all those dreams we never got to see And I love you now And I hate you now And did you ever find The star in your mind? Or do you miss me most of all? Are you somewhere Without a care Or are you as alone as I Did you ever make it home And I miss you most of all And I miss you now And I love you now And I hate you now And I miss you most of all And did you ever find The star in you mind Or do you miss me most of all |
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| Relive. | Feb 6, 10 @ 1:40pm |
| Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees When the world treats you way too fairly It's a shame I'm a dream All I wanted was you All I wanted was you I think I'll pace my apartment a few times And fall asleep on the couch And wake up early to black and white re-runs That escaped from the mouth Oh-Oh All I wanted was you All I wanted was you All I wanted was you All I wanted was you I could follow you to the beginning And just relive the start And maybe then we'll remember to slow down To all of our favorite parts All I wanted was you All I wanted was you All I wanted was you All I wanted was you All I wanted was you All I wanted- paramore |
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| (Untitled.) | Feb 3, 10 @ 6:11pm |
| Get hot
Get too close to the flame Wild open space Talk like an open book Sign me up Got no time to take a picture I'll remember someday All the chances we took We're so close to something better left unknown We're so close to something better left unknown I can feel it in my bones Give sympathy After all this is gone Who would you rather be The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Oh seriously You've gotta make mistakes you're young Come on baby play me something, Like she's come undone Don't go Stay with the all unknown Stay away from the hooks All the chances we took We're so close to something better left unknown We're so close to something better left unknown I can feel it in my bones Give me sympathy After all this is gone Who would you rather be The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Oh seriously You're gonna make mistakes you're young Come on baby play me something, Like here comes the sun |
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| All good things. | Jan 30, 10 @ 9:09pm |
| I don't know where to start
Say I'm sorry or throw a party These cucumber eyes are lying the more that I smile about it And all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways I don't like it You're so beautiful I'm black and blue all over You're breaking my flow How could you know what I'm saying about it When I was a child everybody smiled, nobody knows me at all Very late at night and in the morning light, nobody knows me at all Now I got lots of friends, yes, but then again, nobody knows me at all Not sure where to go Everybody I know says I'm too forgiving And now that I'm gone, I don't want to move on I just keep reliving All good things, oh I wish you All good things come to an end All good things, oh I wish you well Lost inside of my head, empty side of the bed I feel this place without you I keep pushing the bruise 'Cause I don't want to lose what I loved about you All good things, oh I wish you All good things come to an end All good things, oh I wish you well I could think of a million ways You proved you weren't the one So live inside of your shades of gray And never mind the sunshine that I'll find I've got so much space now I got a whole house with the wind blowing through I don't need somewhere to hide I've got this whole world inside I was accustomed to showing you... All good things, oh I wish you All good things come to an end All good things, oh I wish you well All good things, oh, oh All good things, oh, oh All good things, oh I wish you well Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall Some impressions stay and some will fade Tattered shoes outside your door, and clothes all on the floor Your life feels like the morning after all year long. And every day it starts again You cannot say if you're happy You keep trying to be Try harder, maybe, Maybe, this is not your year. This is not your year. Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected There's a world of shiny people somewhere else Out there following their bliss Living easy, getting kissed While you wonder what else you're doing wrong And every day it starts again You cannot say if you're happy You keep trying to be Try harder, maybe, Maybe, this is not your year. This is not your year. Breathe through it, write a list of desires Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires Paint a heart repeating, beating, "Don't give up, don't give up." Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall Some impressions stay and some will fade away And every day it starts again Someday you'll say that you're happy So keep trying to be Try harder, maybe, Maybe, this is not your year. This is not your year. It's just not your year This is not your year This is not your year |
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| Story of how. | Jan 27, 10 @ 11:15pm |
| Sweetness, sweetness never suits me
When I get it out to take you home Maybe it's love, love at first light We drunk and we're walking with the sun in our life Worry, worry isn't well Gonna let it fall tonight from where we stand What can't be decided? In the morning it will bring itself to you I can't see what's coming but I'm not saying it Sickness, weakness at the fall Of how you're gonna play, how long should I stay? Promises, promises never cease to assist it And now I'm back on my back, please bite your words Hurry, hurry to believe I can't always trust as much as you deceive What can't be decided? In the morning it will bring itself to you I can't see what's coming but I'm not saying it What's your middle name? How do you play the game? I'll be the first to leave When did I grow up? I don't want to say too much I'll be the first to leave What can't be decided? In the morning it will bring itself to you What can't be decided? Before you enter thinking maybe it will choose But I can't see what's coming, I can't see what's coming I can't see what's coming but I'm not saying it Midnight coward- Stars |
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