Return to Your Profile

Sort by Entry Time | Sort by Last Comment

(Sorted by Entry Time)

Die Ruinen von Feuer

 

the dark walls ideas	Nov 14, 09 @ 7:55pm
character metaphor for a ghost walking through the ruins with lost memory of something important escaping him his death no longer matters his ruins are all that remains his sadness his depression the steps he once walked were broken moss covers the ramparts and tower walls cracked stones he looks down from the tower at the ruins of his past life he despairs and begins to weep the rain falls and the wind is cold he is all alone no one ever goes here anymore the ruins now forgotten to time will waste away he wants to fade away with them all in third person last verse first person
current mood: current music:
[reply] [0 comments]

The Ruins of Fire (the Truth Behind the Rage and Anger)	Nov 13, 09 @ 3:48pm
Even now the senseless torment has not faded from my mind and the memories of pain still haunt my dreams the agony of fire burning my heart from within and though I fear the flames I know I cannot flee In the ruins of my fire I seek only for revenge and in revenge I seek the torment of my foes in the pain of sweet destruction I seek only for reprieve from the constant pain of many unjust blows with heavy heart I wield these words with greatest pain and with contempt for the ones who seek to rob us with their lies and now again with sword in hand and all our compromise in vain so in the flames shall be their death and sweet demise all the prejudice and hate born from their will to subjugate decayed to malice hidden deep within my soul and as product of their crimes now an enforcer of their fate I seek to reclaim words of freedom from control and as slaves to greater lies that in the hopes of our repent that only sins shall thus be cast into the flames you only sin but to yourself and then in ignorance lament the very life you merely jest is fun and games so now go forth and live your life and live as freely if you dare lest the lack of sins turn soul into a pyre I've no fear to question why so that hypocrisy lays bare forever burning in the ruins of my fire
current mood: descicive current music: Serpents Embrace - Agathodaimon
[reply] [0 comments]

The Gray Embrace	Nov 6, 09 @ 5:46pm
the day is gray as if to say that warmth is cold and far away im longing for your warm embrace and left for want of rain and though i hear your voice it seems that all these thoughts are only dreams and though tomorrow will be soon i count the days between thoughts of sorrow thoughts of pain but all these demons shall be slain just by a tender kiss a loving voice a sweet embrace and no one knows what future holds although were lonely and we're cold still i look fondly towards your skies and towards your gentle face and when you come i pray it rains so we might wake from bitter pains to hold me closer in your arms so we may live again and when we kiss in crying skies there is reflected in our eyes something beautiful and sacred in the rain
current mood: current music:
[reply] [2 comments]

The Sweet Departure	Nov 5, 09 @ 4:28am
these swimming thoughts where to begin the ghostly touch upon my skin the heart so wanting of compassion seeking refuge from within here we're nothing more than whispers walking calmly through the mists fanning now the flames of passion clenched so tightly in our fists waking now to dreams unanswered as we're pulled into the storm searching fearlessly for truth even though our hearts been torn and i miss you even now as i lay here on these stones quiet dreams of you and i here echo deep within my bones trusting now in tender heart and waiting for the sweet depart and when your near its all so clear that old things end, and new things start
current mood: calmed and happy current music: :) inner melody
[reply] [3 comments]

Love cannot be explained	Nov 4, 09 @ 1:21am
i thought that once id loved you i knew that it was true i felt the sum of all my fears embodied there with you i looked with longing from afar and watched the days go by just waiting for a whisper just a whisper telling why why i am left to suffer and why im left in pain why i cannot let go of you though loving you is vain i wish id been a part of you someone that you held dear i wrote you poems songs of love just hoping that youd hear hear the love inside my heart just wishing for yours too a sweet duet with no regret alone just me and you i wrote these words from sweeter dreams while lost in bluest skies i longed for you your tender touch while gazing in your eyes how sweet a kiss this dream of mine if only it were true its broken here just like my heart because i wait for you i waited for you countless days it seems they have no end the hours steep with sorrows tears and not a word you sent my songs were but a token now of why i used to cry for now my heart lies broken and to think youd wonder why
current mood: current music:
[reply] [1 comment]

Just a Beast	Nov 3, 09 @ 1:18am
your burning rage this endless hate should others suffer for your pain how many life times would it take to ease the pain that still remains what would you give to take it back what would it take to heal your soul how many scars how many years theyve not been kind and you should know id give my life to purge this darkness slay the shadows of your lies old betrayals laced with madness feed the darkness in my eyes conquered dreams like broken wishes only vanish from my grace and now your sadness bitter sorrow lingers softly on my face so now this demon of your mind a twisted soldier of your hate the lust for vengeance burns a silent empty shell this hollow state and oh that love would quench this madness this dark hunger from within oh what a feast for hungry beasts and i have lived my life in sin ive regrets and i feel shame the knife twists when i hear your name but whos to blame its just a game but still i feel that i will win temptation feeds my will again and victory my sweet refrain this hollow shell so sweet and sound it shall not live again my very wrath is lustful greed and now i want to see you bleed the freshest flesh the sweetest blood im just a beast now cant you see
current mood: Enraged current music: the bells of the 7 hells
[reply] [3 comments]

Self Actualizing and the Standards of romance	Oct 16, 09 @ 10:51am
Its harder than it seems, i mean youd think itd be all easy to find a satisfactory path some people already have one set down for them but mine is built out of mostly struggles without the kind of progress i want and need. ive made some self realizations. My rage and anger has always been in my control i merely chose not to regulate it. My frustration lies in self satisfaction, ive done what i can for myself and now i wish to have someone in my life, i wish for love and contentment but people dont want me to get too close too fast but im trusting and offering and nobody wants. i dont think im asking too much hell apparently there isnt anything wrong with me either xD but for some reason i end up single alone and sad. I put myself on the line and i get hurt because i approach too fast. thing is even if i approached slower id probably get a similar reaction xD at least if i approach fast i find out whether or not it will pan out. I hate wasting time. I have some Goals now and an aim. To get a job, to bring in some more satisfactory self representation. To not put my heart on the line so much with uncertainty present. Suffice to say sarah and i wont become something more at this stage of my life nor hers and perhaps itll never be something more than this. I am finding ways to cope with my sadness. here is my one final problem that gnaws at me. Intimacy. I long for that special girl with whom i can share my darkest fears and deepest secrets. The girl with whom i would give my love and affection, my devotion and attention. A girl who can love even the most battle scarred of romantics. A girl with kindness, bravery, and a sense of right and wrong, and a sense of self. But why would someone like that need someone like me? if someone is kind it often means a sense of guilt, if someone is brave it often means they are scared, if they have a sense of right and wrong it often means theyve been disrespected, and if they have a sense of self it means they often dont think highly of themselves. I am merely generalizing i know not everyone will be like this. I seek someone with kindness out of a want of love, i seek someone with bravery out of a need for right, i seek someone with a sense of self because they want to be something more. All im lacking is the love and intimacy of a romantic. I dont need this, i want it, for myself. I have all i need with me. I am a complete package save the hole where i need affection to be stored, i come complete with affection and kindness, devotion, honesty, and loyalty, humor, and intellect, and i like to see the lady i love smile. Heres the 411 i dont ask much but heres what i need in a relationship Honesty and Truth (i dont tolerate lying very well and in fact i abhore and despise it) Self Care (someone who isnt into drugs and drinking so much their hygene falls apart, someone who likes to maintain a good self appearance is good.) Comfortable with sex and sexuality (i dont need some religious noob with some anti sex agenda telling me im living in sin, in fact if you wanna do that you can stop talking to me all together. this is loosely defined i dont need a kinky person just someone willing to have some fun.) Communicative (as long as they have some conversation i can engage in im happy, quite frankly i need someone whos willing to be a bit wild and have a good time with friends but can still settle down and have a deep meaningful conversation) NO CHEATING(i will make this very clear you cheat on me you are gone no ifs ands or buts, i cant waste my life waiting for you only to figure out you want someone else)(note this does not apply to designated polygamous relationships but such things must be cleared and also no cheating, for me, also applies to any sexual relations i have outside relationships. i dont like someone fucking around with other people. i dont like taking frivolous risks at my own expense just because someone else cant keep it in their pants for just one person. THIS IS IT. thats all. you cant meet these standards to enough of a degree and i cant see it working out so well. communication is important but not the most important, and i just need someone comfortable with sexuality im not looking for a slut. this is what i need for ME!!! this is what i need to feel self actualized in social circumstance to prove to myself there is someone out there for me. This is what i need in the realm of intimacy. My standards may change with time but if you feel you match some of the criteria lets talk :)
current mood: current music:
[reply] [6 comments]

More Frustration	Oct 6, 09 @ 1:15am
i wish i didnt feel so angry but there are some things beyond my control and i feel distant from a group of my friends i use to be a strong part of. they have fallen away from alot of the things i held to be dear. theyve wandered back to familiar grounds towards things that made me feel weak frail and not myself o__O earlier tonight i pleaded with my mom for 10 $ a kindness she gives often for things like the movies simply so i have a decent social life. my friend mike invited me but i initially said no i had studies and i didnt know who else was going. jt and ross decided to go as well and jt invited me along as well. i met up with sarah at the theatre and i was just lucky enough to have enough spare change to get through the door o_O hell i was lucky i had spare change at all and even luckier to get money from my mom its not something i enjoy at any rate. i owe jt money and frankly i feel as if im being dragged to something at my own expense. i enjoyed the movie but when i asked for a ride home the van was full up and they wouldnt even let me ride mexican and as it was i ended up walking home. it was no problem i just figured since we were good friends at one time ross wouldnt mind so much but apparently there were too many people to drive home but i live in the same goddamn city -__- i didnt think i was asking too much but apparently i was. jt wants to hang out with me tomorrow and hell he even called me to make sure i got home ok. i mean fuck of course id get home ok but i would have gotten home more ok if i felt my friends gave a fuck about me. i give a fuck about my friends to a big extent and i just let it slide off i didnt wanna inconvenience them but it hurts and im kind of mad. it was just a little kindness and i feel even less wanted now than i did before. they would hardly ever include me in their conversations and such because half the time i wouldnt know what was said and when i did ask i was told i was unworthy. i dont care if its supposed to be a joke i felt disrespected and i didnt find it at all funny that out of everyone im the one who isnt worthy i dont care how much they do it with dean deans hardly ever around when i am anyway -__- it feels like im singled out. i dont like being made to feel stupid and i dont feel included or wanted and now i feel as if im not even worth a short ride to my own friends. they said nothings changed and maybe thats the problem, they seem to think that i am held to the same value as everyone else but i feel as if im being treated as less. people dont like me being on an equal playing field because i win and i dont even wanna play if im just being made to lose by default. why bother. these are people i wanted to call friends and they make me angry and frustrated. i get it that i dont really matter to them but if they wanted to be a part of my world so badly they should at least give me the time of day if i asked for it. as is they dont even know my current pains and frustratons, and even if they did apparently it doesnt mean shit in the end. i dont know what im supposed to do about how i feel about my friends now. am i supposed to reach out my hand to the people who seem to care? i dont know who i can trust who i can depend on i am broken down and i dont have any help. i dont feel i can cry and break down i dont even feel ill be taken seriously by anyone save bela who i dont want to burden and andrew who i also dont want to burden. i know i need help we cant afford it for me. even if it was paid for i dont know if it would work. i dont feel i can rely on my friends for help right now and im falling apart. i dont wanna sound like a whiny crybaby but im doing my best and i just dont feel good enough. i dont think my friends like me save for lloyd bela and andrew and im feeling apathetic.
current mood: sad current music:
[reply] [2 comments]

pages: 1 2 3 4 5 next