Misplaced my soul, seen it?
| Wednesday | May 4, 05 @ 6:37pm |
| I saw triple X 2 this evening. Its quite funny.
I want someone to talk to NOW. grrrrrrr :( I feel all stupid and lonely and i hate it. I tidied my room a little tiny bit. I finished my essay in university. It was 400 words over the limit hehe. I hope thats a good thing. I guess it has to be. I just wish it wasn't so damn late. Wheres everyon gone? i don't understand why theres nobody online for me to talk tooooooo. I want cuddles. Blergh. i want i want i want. i'm always the same. Fool One day perhaps sharp things will help? argh. |
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| Tuesday | May 3, 05 @ 6:07pm |
| *sigh* My tooth still hurts, it hurt so bad that it woke me up last night. I'm back to being hurt by caitlyn. I'm a fool for not letting go. If only she'd hurry and fuck off to university. Or something anything. Something bad needs to happen to her so she realises what fuckin moron shes being. :) happy happy happy simon :)
PAh. University was ultimately quite pointless, i didnt finish my essay so i've lost 10% now. :( We got some of our project about santa cruz down, i don't care anymore. I think i'm going to fail university. Hannahs really quite strangely lovely and easy to talk to and similar to me. Strange. meh. I miss Rachael. I miss everyone. People seem to have disappeared. Saw Tyne on Monday she doesn't realise shes been not speaking to me. She forgets everyone apparently. Though she did say shes sorry for having her head so far up her ass all the time. So i duno. But i'll stick with the assumption that shes a knobhead for now. Less painful then hoping for good things. How did the americans not start the third world war??? Fuckin good job they were such faggots abt things lol. Letting russian bombers overfly their carriers, real smart. I want cuddles. I want to be found and made safe. Caitlyn should give me back my fekin stanley knife. GRRRRR My rooms a pit. Tired and lonely. :( |
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| Sunday | May 1, 05 @ 7:47pm |
| I feel slightly short of what i felt last night but i might as well feel the same coz i feel worse in some ways and slightly better in some.
I'm fucking so pissed off at work. Formal warning my ass. I work my fucking ass off and then get shouted at and then i get a formal warning the next day. Its fuckin ridiculous. All this done by a manager who hasn't got a fucking clue and has shite grammar skills. PAh. I feel shite. I look it too apparently. I didn't get to see Caitlyn. Shes cruel. She'll come up with an excuse and it'll be bullshit. How stupid do i want to be? All i have to do is read my own blog to see how much she fucks with my mood all coz she indifferent. If i'd had this blog two years ago i'd never have written in the feckin thing coz i was happy. Happy with her. New Saliva album, survival of the sickest seems to sum up my mood most of the time recently. Several of the songs could have been written about me. lol My lifes going to stop v.soon. Its just a matter of how i mean that. lol Socially it's going to stop. Little to no doubt. |
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current mood: doomed current music: |
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| Friday | Apr 29, 05 @ 10:26pm |
| Joy. Chest pains.
Why is the world so impossible? It couldn't just be simple and nice? Noooooo. I want to help. Can i? NO. I have the best intentions in the world, can i act on them? NO. I'm not ugly, i'm cute, i'm great etc etc etc. Yet nobody who knows me sees this. Do i appear so different to those who know me online? I have plenty of faults, most are listed in this blog. The people who see me don't see these things and yet they still don't like me. Ha it makes no sense. The worlds gone mad. But then, how would i fit in with it if it was how i want it to be? Nothing i want will work. Everything ends, why the delay? |
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current mood: sad current music: |
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| Wednesday | Apr 27, 05 @ 4:39am |
| Misread an email and thus have got up to late/early. Ah well. Claire text me and that really helped me get up, which was good coz i've been struggling recently. lol.
I had such mad dreams, i dreamt that i got back up to talk to Hannah and then we talked to sunrise and for some reason she was with me at sunrise and we were sat together watching the sunrise. Weird really, n i can't remember what happened next, but in another dream i was being chased by Rob who was trying to kill me, i had my mp5 to protect myself with, i kept re-loading it with bb's and yet it was firing real bullets, i finally shot rob in the forehead but after falling down for a few moments he got up again, termanator styley. Weird really *sigh* I want cuddles. Simple cuddles nowt more. ARGH! |
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current mood: weird current music: forsaken- david draiman |
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| Tuesday | Apr 26, 05 @ 9:00pm |
| I feel really really really really twitchy. Not good. I don't get why. Bollocks.
I wana hug. I wana hug so many people right now, not just coz i want hugs tho, coz they just need to be hugged i figure. Madness. All these people and yet they're none of them quite real enough. They're real, but they're not here and i can't touch and hold them. Its not fair. ARghness. lalalalalalalaalalalallalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nobody will get what i mean or whats in my head and i cba writing what is. |
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current mood: Twitchey current music: Metallica |
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| *sigh* | Apr 24, 05 @ 5:59pm |
| *sigh* I Love Caitlyn. Shes trying again and i love her for it. I might even get some of my best friend back and get to see her and stuff.
My throats hurting, my teeth are funny, theres nobody online and i think i'm gona go back to bed. Life isn't fair. I must drive her mad so much. Caitlyn stole her dads phone and phoned me for like 20 minutes, she made me smile and i love her, i love her voice i love just argh. Everything about her, i could live with the bad things if i she could love me in return. These things are all mad. Jibb off Tyne, quite possibly me thinks, shes just the same as everyone else i guess. Shite. Left with no real possibilities again. I wish someone could be here tonight, i want to fall asleep cuddling someone, its not fair. :'( |
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current mood: *sigh* current music: |
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| Sunday | Apr 24, 05 @ 4:36am |
| Hmmmmm. Krazy house was poo really, the music was shite. Dickhead of a 'dj'. HMPF. Tyne was being a cow really i guess, basically i bought her a drink and then she sacked me off and wandered away. :(
Rob broke my dice bracelet. :( Rob and Tom were quite drunk and were generally being knobheads coz they were v.drunk. I only had 5 bottles and a shot. Didn't see anyone i knew in there aside from Tyne and Sarah, Sarah is nice, she hugs me. :) Though i did get told to let go by both her and Tyne when i hugged them because i hold on too long. No fair. I'm shattered this morning but not really hungover. I got a large fries and a double cheeseburger from mcdonalds last night and i felt quite alot better after it, which was nice. :) I can't be arsed going to work, just wana sleep. :( I woke up too late to shower before work and we have no shower gel anyway, i'm just gona have to hope i get away with it. :S Work was poo. I got lots of smiles of people, more people seem to be smiling at me, i like it. :) Spent a fair bit of time trying to chat with Becci, shes really quite nice. *sigh* Come to the conclusion i should stop making so much effort chasing Tyne, i mean whats the point, if we're in the same club she will Never come find me, she never texts me anymore, she never sees me. Its yet another waste of my time and feelings. Started worrying about my birthday again. Its gotta be good. I'm looking forward to being out with my friends and just feeling wanted in some small way. I want it to be ok. AARgh. Gotta stop worrying about that. I've gotta work all week to do 3 essays. Its not good. :( |
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current mood: Lonely current music: Radio 1 |
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| Friday | Apr 22, 05 @ 8:02pm |
| Feel love, what a class old dance tune. :D
I feel love. *sigh* I'm thinking. ARRRRRRGH. Caitlyn told me she loves me so much. That nearly brings tears to my eyes. Infact it will if i let it. Madness. My chest is heavy and my heart is in my throat. I have shivers running up my spine and i feel drained. Meant to be going out tomorrow to the Krazy house i think. :) I miss Rachael. :( Talking to Jacklyn and theres nobody else online. :( Joes was boring, we went out on our bikes but it was too damn windy. GRRRR Then we went back to Joes and we discovered his ps2 was broke. And then we ran out of films to watch. Spent like £10 on food to munch and never got to eat most of it! Ooooooo Found someone with similar fears to me. Intriguing. Why must Caitlyn love me. Its not fair. Why couldnt she hate me. It'd give me something to return that wouldn't last this long. Then again i cant seem to hate people really either. ARgh |
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current mood: sad current music: Feel love |
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