Return to Your Profile

Sort by Entry Time | Sort by Last Comment

(Sorted by Entry Time)

Bloggity bloggity blog

 

	Nov 19, 09 @ 10:45am
Did some more job hunting today. Went a bit further than what I did the other day. And tomorrow I plan on doing some hunting in a little strip mall that isn't far from here. Hopefully someone will hire me. Things with Lance are going alright. I feel like things between he and I are at a bit of a standstill. I want things to go further - but thinking about it - as much as I want it, I still don't know all that much about him. I want to get to know him more - but I don't have any idea what to say. I can see myself being happy with him, yet at the same time I'm kind of like "Well...what happens now?" Blargh! What do I do!? Earl came back from his trip today, it was only a couple of days, but it was a nice couple of days to relax and finish unpacking and do some cleaning around here. Snip has gotten a bit less scared and she's definitely exploring upstairs now a bit more. I'm glad she's doing better. I got some news about Bonnie yesterday. Because I can't call her (lack of long distance plan), my sister phoned me to update me. Apparently Grandma is doing alright - but still not improving too much. Bonnie seems to really like being in Whitehorse...and may end up moving there permanently. The place Grandma has is already wheelchair accessible - and it's close to her brother as well - probably the last person she knows that might have some sort of patience for Bonnie (according to what my sister said). I'm not sure what to think of what Bonnie is considering...I think I'll be even more sad. I miss her alot already and I don't know when I'll see her next...hopefully soon. I miss my mom. Haha, I love it. I'm nineteen and saying "I miss my mom." Oh well, I'm sure everyone has moments like that where they just wanna be with their parents. Not much else to say other than: Here's hoping with a smile that I get a job and that things get better =)
current mood: Content current music: Final Fantasy X OST
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 17, 09 @ 12:09am
So the move went very smoothly. Took longer than I expected, but it got done. Snip (my kitty) was so scared that she didn't come out of hiding until just today. I'm just glad she's alright and that she's getting used to the new place. Turns out Earl's house is a complete sty! I couldn't be more disgusted with the state of it. It's not that it's unorganized - it just hasn't been cleaned in MONTHS!! The kitchen floor was sticky with caked on dust and other crap! So gross! And the kitchen itself smelled like ... I don't know - but it's not a clean smell, that's for sure. So I've had my work cut out for me. Earl doesn't even have a mop bucket and he was like "Well, I have one of those Swiffer Wetjet things." ...Yeah, a Wetjet works in between thorough floor washings...but it doesn't actually CLEAN the floor!! *barf* I did some job hunting today in the mall that's literally across the parking lot from my place haha! So hopefully I get a call back from somewhere soon! Even if it's part time, as long as I have an income is all that I care about. Also had Lance over today, short and sweet - but a nice visit. We ate Kraft Dinner...never have I loved KD so much until today, haha! I can't wait to see Lance again, I really enjoy his company. Here's hoping with a smile that things keep getting better =)
current mood: Good current music: Fearless by Taylor Swift
[reply] [0 comments]

Moving Day	Nov 14, 09 @ 8:53am
Finally moving day!! =D I'm really excited...but I'm really sad too. I knew this day would come. But its always one of those thing that you don't think is gonna happen so soon. And I'm alone too (for now). Bonnie's up north ... and I have the whole house to myself...a little bit scary. And the cats have gone nuts! Last night I caught them trying to drink water out of the toilet! And their water dish was full too! I'm really nervous and excited...but I'm sure things will go alright. Here's hoping with a smile that things will go smoothly! =)
current mood: Excited current music: Super Mario Bros. Original Theme
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 13, 09 @ 6:50pm
Soooooo a few things have happened. My grandma is getting worse every day. So my uncle decided it was time for Bonnie to go to Whitehorse to be with her mother while there is still time. She left today at about one in the afternoon. I'm going to miss her. And it's kind of scary because today is Friday the 13th...and the last time she tried to go to Whitehorse she ended up having a heart attack! Well, hopefully she's alright this time. Tomorrow is moving day! I've got everything ready pretty much. Just a few last minute things and I'm all set. Here's hoping with a smile that it all goes smoothly!!
current mood: Excited current music: None
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 11, 09 @ 9:57pm
Well today is Remembrance Day. So of course at 11AM this morning I took a moment to think of all the soldiers that have died for my freedom - and those overseas who continue to fight for my freedom. May God keep them safe and bring them home peacefully. My room is starting to look really empty now. I've taken down all my posters and taken down a few boxes to the main floor so that I have more room to work. I'm really going to miss living here. My grandma is sick...she had a stroke or two very recently and she's not doing so well. The doctors say that she won't be around much longer at the rate she's going. She doesn't even recognize her own son - my uncle. He's going to get Bonnie to fly up to Whitehorse soon so she can spend some time with grandma ... poor woman. Bonnie's got enough crap to deal with and suddenly her own mother is taking a turn for the worse. Bonnie is right about something for sure - it seems like everything just hits the fan all at once ... it's really hard for her to deal with this ... And even though I'm leaving I'll still listen to what she has to say and be as much help as I can. Not much else to really say other than that my room is empty ... and that I've been very bored over the past few days. Here's hoping with a smile that the move on Saturday goes smooth and according to plan =)
current mood: Hopeful current music: None
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 9, 09 @ 10:37am
Wow, one month exactly after my birthday, haha! So yeah, things are still going alright with Bonnie - she's not gonna get kicked out I'm sure of it. She's probably gonna get help from that old guy I might or might not have mentioned in a previous post. So we'll see what happens. It's all up to her now. Things with Lance are going good too. We've spent quite a bit of time together over the past few days and its been very fun. I can't wait till I live in the same city as him though. It'll be so much easier to hang out. So other than packing and getting my last paycheque tomorrow - nothing is really happening. So I'll post again in a few days with some other news. Here's hoping with a smile that things get better =) Oh and PS: I am disgustingly addicted to Lady GaGa's "Lovegame" song...I feel so disgusting ><
current mood: Content current music: None
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 6, 09 @ 12:03am
Well things are a bit better today. My sister and I are getting along better. She's not exactly thrilled at my timing of moving out - but even if I were to stay - it'd only be delaying the inevitable. And in any case - she's done acting like everything is all about her - for now. Got a bit of good-ish news today as well. Bonnie's social worker told her that there is a possibility that social assistance may allow her to keep the place that we're living in now because it's already set up the way it needs to be - plus its cheap, coupled by the fact that there is almost nowhere for her to go if she gets kicked out. So there is that bit of hope. I'm really hoping and keeping my fingers crossed that they let her keep this place and that she doesn't have to leave or anything. That'd be a HUGE weight off of mine as well as Bonnie's shoulders. Things with Lance are still going very nicely. He was actually over at my place the other night. We watched the Tenacious D movie ... horrible film ... but it's so bad it's good. I'm sure we've all seen movies like that. So in any case, we spent some time together, ate grilled cheese sandwiches and played Spyro. An evening well spent I must say. I really enjoy being around him. So easy going and I just chill the fuck out. Who needs pot when you have someone that just presses your relax button, hey? I hope that things only continue to get better with he and I. So I'm still moving next weekend. I'm both super excited and super dreading at the same time. I have been to my dad's place less than five times in the last eight or nine years. And I know there have been a lot of developments and add-ons to the city ... so it'll be something to get used to again I'm sure. I don't expect life to be any peachier there than it is here right now - but at least I'll be able to start my life. I'll be able to get my drivers license (looooong overdue), maybe go to school, and save money for a car or a house or...something. I don't know. My point is, I'll be able to do more things there than I can here. I'm gonna miss Bonnie so much =( I'm gonna miss all the laughs we shared and all the hugs we had. Even the times where I came home crying because some boyfriend of mine was being a dipshit. And all she did was hold me while I cried like an idiot and tell me that things were gonna be okay. There aren't enough words to describe the amount of love I feel for the woman that is my mother. But it's finally time for me to leave her nest. I know things will be alright ... but I'm gonna miss her like crazy. I know I'll see her again. But it's not gonna be quite the same as when you're a kid and there's a thunderstorm and you go ask to sleep in moms bed, haha. Don't ask me where I got that reference ... probably just an example of how comforting a mothers presence can be. Then again, I am the last kid to leave home. I wonder if the youngest child generally has an extra special bond with their parent... Anyways, my general plan of attack is to keep packing my things and helping Bonnie out with what I can before the big day. Here's hoping with a smile that things get better and that all the pieces fall into place. =)
current mood: Sad, yet hopeful current music: Fall Into Place by Apartment
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 4, 09 @ 11:43am
So last night my sister decided to have a shit fit and try to tell me I'm a horrible person for leaving my mother. Apparently Bonnie got an eviction notice saying that she's gotta be out by the 19th and such. My sisters are telling me that I should stay and such - but even if I stay, I don't make nearly enough to save us from the streets. So whether I stay or leave - Bonnie's gonna end up homeless at some point. And it's not like she can't get help. She's got a social worker that's been helping her find solutions to whatever happens. And he's coming this week actually. So aside from giving Bonnie money -there's nothing else I can do to help her aside from selling myself for more money ... which I can't/won't do. And it's so dumb that my sister is telling me I'm a horrible person - that I'm abandoning my mother. Umm ... she won't even call Bonnie let alone see her. She gave up on Bonnie a long time ago. So how does that make her better than what I am? At least I'm gonna fucking call my mother and see how she's doing. Plus - even after I'm gone, I'm gonna be paying her money that I owe her anyways. So why my sister suddenly feels that I'm the biggest disappointment ever is beyond me. She doesn't have much to show for herself either. She tries to tell me how to spend money and save money - yet she doesn't have a fucking job. Argh! I can't stand her sudden mood swings. I don't know how her husband fucking puts up with her. GRRRRR!!!!!!! So I did end up talking to Bonnie last night. We made clear what our feelings really are. I love her and I care for her very much. I'm very grateful for what she's done for me throughout my life. I'm going to pay her the money I owe her. But it's time for me to leave. I gotta grow up a bit more - and she's gotta be a bit more independent. Don't get me wrong, I still feel bad for leaving my mother. But I'm doing and have done everything I can. And while I'm here I'm gonna bust my ass to keep helping her. My mind will be clearer once I leave. And another thing I've learned today is that someone that really likes my mom is supposedly wanting to help her with things. Bonnie doesn't think she'll accept his help though ... because he has marriage in his mind when he thinks of my mother. He's old enough to be her father... which isn't cool in the slightest. But whatever Bonnie needs and feels that she should do. *sigh* Here's hoping with a smile that work goes good tonight, and that I can keep packing my stuff =)
current mood: Better than yesterday current music: The Bear FM
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 2, 09 @ 9:56pm
So it's official: I'm moving next weekend. For real this time. I'm not just thinking about it anymore. I'm actually gonna fucking do it. I've got alot of my things packed in boxes already and I'm really looking forward to getting outta here. Am I really sad and feeling guilty that I'm leaving my disabled mother behind? Yes. I feel like a really bad person for doing this - and practically dooming her to live on the streets if nothing goes her way. However - her not having money is not completely my fault. Yes, I didn't have money for a month - but it's not like I asked her for money every other day for things that I didn't need. I kept doing the grocery shopping, getting the prescriptions, cleaning the house, etc, etc...and I looked for a job. I had/have no control over whether or not an employer wants to hire me. So yes, even though I didn't have a job for a month - I did my best. And that's all I could do. Do I think the landlady or the utility companies care? Not a chance. But I DO think that as a daugher - that my mother should cut me a little bit of slack considering how much I did/still do for her. However - she has only ONE source of income aside from me. And that JUST pays for rent. The spousal support she was getting from her ex has ended because she won't get a physical assesment done - because she knows they'll tell her she can work. She hasn't/won't apply for welfare or whatever it is for disabled people. And she won't stop spending money on stupid shit like ice cream, cheetos, and cigarettes. And she certainly will never look for a god damn job. So really, is her financial shit-fit entirely my fault? Absolutely not. Am I gonna pay her as much money as I can before I leave? You bet I will. I'm gonna do everything I possibly can for this woman before I'm gone. After that, there's obviously nothing more I can do. And that's the end of my interferance. So what am I hoping to acheive once I move out? Well, because I'm not going to be literally on my own - I'm going to be living with my Father. He's gonna charge me next to nothing for rent - which is awesome. Anyways, I plan on getting my drivers lisence, get a credit card, and start some schooling if I finally decide what I'm gonna study. And along the way I'm hoping to maybe get a couple of tattoos. Who knows ... but it'll be alot better than what I've got right now. Here's hoping with a smile that things keep getting better =)
current mood: Good current music: None
[reply] [0 comments]

	Nov 1, 09 @ 9:48am
So the date when phenominally well! He and I went and saw "The Ugly Truth" and pretty much laughed the whole damn thing. Too funny. Then we went back to my place ... and ... played Tomb Raider for about three hours. =) Then since yesterday was Halloween (favorite holiday ever), I worked until about 7pm, then he came and picked me up and we went to a Halloween party hosted by a good friend of ours. It was a fun party indeed - but there were so many people there that I didn't know that I felt pretty outta place. But I really did enjoy watching all the guys get plastered and play a weird card game called Asshole ... interesting. As well last night ... I took a short walk. The party got to be a little much for me so I stepped out for a few minutes. It was strange, I felt perfectly fine for a while ... and then I started thinking of Rudy and I cried ... I don't know what sprung into my mind to think of him ... but I know I miss him and wished he was at home with my mom. However ... I'm glad he's in Paradise now. After I regained control of myself, I went back to the party and sat for about an hour talking with random people until Lance (yes, that's his name) decided to go back to my place. I can't say whether or not I've ever enjoyed silence so much, haha. He watched me play Tomb Raider for a while as we chatted about nothing, and then he went home. If there's one thing I really really really like about him (physically) it's the way he kisses me. I think I'm addicted to that, haha. Mentally/emotionally however ... I really love how mellow he is. It's a real switch compared to what I'm used to ... and he's already taken me out on a date haha! Not even two weeks and I'm spoiled like that! XD In my mind I start to wonder ... if by Fate's cruel humor ... this turns out to not be real, that I've been dreaming the whole time...I hope it's not a dream. So anyways, my plans for today are doing laundry and hopefully convincing my mom to let me run to the grocery store and buy several boxes of discount chocolate. If you can't hand out candy or carve a pumpkin for Halloween ... at least buy some candy for yourself! Sheesh! And I LOVE Halloween! ...My goal has become clear.
current mood: Ambitous current music: Spirited Away OST
[reply] [0 comments]

pages: 1 2 3 next