Q: What did the vagina say to the penis?
A: You can come in, but those 2 nuts have to stay outside!

har har har

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What's the difference between a dick and a joke? You can't take a joke.

Q: What's long, hard and has cum in it?



A: A cuCUMber!!


Let's be best friends.

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A little river to the Golden Ground

HAHAHAHA!
Ohhh you guys!


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I once tripped over a bra and twisted my ankle. I guess it was a booby trap.

What did the dog say when it sat down on sandpaper? Ruff.

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.

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If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

What type of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo jeans.

What do you call a woman that can't make a sandwich?
Single

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Q: âWhat do you think when you see a pretty girl walking down the street?" A: "One side of me says, 'I'd like to talk to her, date her'. The other side of me says, 'I wonder how her head would look on a stick?â âEdmund Kemper

HAHAHA

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He took a sip of his tea before it was cool.

[This post was last updated on March 3, 2013, 11:02PM by UpInThisBitch.]

A rapist, a pedophile, and a liar walk into a bar.

Bartender looks up and says "Good evening, Father Pat."

Too off-color?

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If you love something, set it free. If you hate something, set it aflame.

AHAHHAHAHA, no, just right.

How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Ouch.
lol

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âKilling is killing whether done for duty, profit or funâ âRichard Ramirez

Once again.


What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?


Slap her and tell her to get back to work!

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-------I Reply To All Comments Left To Me------------

What do you tell a woman with a black eye?

Make dinner.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothin', you already told her twice.

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Revenge is best served hot, screaming, and preferably on fire.

three vampire walk into a bar, two ask for bloody mary's, the third asked for a hot cup of water.
The bartender asks what the cup of water is for.
The vampire pulls out a bloody tampon and says "I'm making tea"

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In another universe, you're already dead.

Blonde brunette and a red head are trapped on an island. They stumble across a magic lamp. A genie pops out, and offers each of them one wish.

The redhead nods, and wishes for a plane so she can fly off the island. Poof, and off she goes.

Brunette nods, and wishes for a boat so she can sail away. Poof, and off she goes.

The blonde strokes her chin and thinks on it a while. She goes to bed, thinks on it more. It takes her a week, but then she sighs loudly. "I'm so lonely. I wish my friends were back..."

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If you love something, set it free. If you hate something, set it aflame.

A man is walking by the beach on the way to work and sees a young woman crying. He asks her what's wrong, and she says "I'm 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been hugged." Moved by her plight, he hugs her and heads towards work.

He gets no more than a few steps away when she starts crying again. He asks her what's wrong now, and she says "I'm 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been kissed." He starts to see a pattern, but hates to see the young girl cry, so he kisses her and turns to leave.

She starts crying again.

He says "I've hugged and kissed you, now what's your problem?"

She says "I'm 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been fucked."

He contemplates this for a moment, then takes her into his arms, throws her into the ocean and says "You're fucked now!"

â¥

what does micheal jackson and walmart have in common?

boy's underwear half off


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-ViViAN-