Happy Singles Awareness, its an article about love. |
February 9, 2012, 1:48PM |
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by: lilithgothgirl topic: Advice bookmark this article view bookmarked articles go to archives |
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| When you hear the word "Love" what do you think? Commitment? Myth? What is real love? Well, technically love is no more than a mere chemical cocktail in the brain. Love is a simple chemical reaction, but what an impact it makes on our lives! Love is life changing, mind boggling, and very easy to mistake for intense loathing.
Before I really get into what I think real love is, I first want to cover the difference between love and lust. The desire to screw something isn't the same as loving it. The desire to mate is a human's primal instinct, but if no relationship has been established before two people "mate" they usually part ways shortly afterward. This is the difference between love and lust. Lust is for the moment, and love has longevity. Neither is more or less than the other, it just depends on what you want. The two aren't meant to be confused with each other. People who do confuse the two find themselves in disastrous relationships that end very badly. Chemically speaking, when you first meet that "special" person, dopamine (the pleasure chemical) is released in the brain. This chemical causes you to feel giddy, and euphoric. Norepinephrine is the chemical guilty for your racing heart, and adrenaline rush. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and well-know love researcher from Rutgers University says that these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite, and focused attention. She also says, "The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and men more readily produce it than women, because of their visual nature."(howstuffworks.com) Philosophically speaking, "Love is a many splendored thing."(frank sinatra) "It lifts us up where we belong."(Jack Nitzsche) "All you need is love."(beatles) I believe true love takes time and understanding. You cannot have real love without both. Love takes time because time brings a knowledge of the person that you wouldn't have otherwise. Time helps you learn what pleases them and what angers them. Time turns enemies into friends and separates the true friends, from the two faced liars. Time also brings an understanding of that person. If a couple has an understanding of each other, than the other smaller things like respect and communication come naturally. The secret to meeting an ideal someone is to not have a "type". If you look for the same kind of person, you will get the same results. That's why it's best to just have an open mind and "play the field". Selecting that ideal someone takes time and usually happens in unexpected places. The best thing to do is not commit yourself to one person until you are absolutely sold on them. While its best to not have a "type" it is great to have a "standard". Standards are personal boundaries that cannot be crossed. A good standard is not dating people who do drugs. These are really just rules of thumb to keep you away from the players and the bums. This truth goes for boys and girls. The secret to longevity in love is simply being stubborn. Short of abuse or neglect, you don't quit over the little things. You don't even quit over the "not so little" things. Some examples of little things would be meeting their ex, or they eat all the cookies. Some examples of the "not so little" things would be that they lost your debit card in walmart parking lot, or they embarrassed you in front of your friends. The secret to a clean break up is being direct. "I'm leaving, good bye" usually works. Say "no" when they ask if they can still be friends. While that may seem cold, saying "yes" is a lie, because, you don't want to be friends with that person, you just want to make them feel better. After the initial break up spend awhile away from that person to allow any remaining hurt feelings or general feelings to die off. Post breakup friendship is possible, there just needs to be a good set of boundaries in place for both parties. Friendship may seem awkward at first, mostly due to intimacy and sex. Confine yourselves to only hugging ,talking about your healths, and talking about the weather. This will help everyone recover from the break up with dignity while still allowing for a good friendship. Whether your relationship lasts forever or not, the lesson love teaches us is to have fun, and be spontaneous. Life is meant to be lived, so keep your mind and heart open. After a few heart breaks, it is hard to keep yourself open to new love. We must learn to quit living in the past, and live for the moment. When it comes to love, there are no rules and no limits, so have FUN! |
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